Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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