I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
A+ Viking dick
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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