you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
