I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize