The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
