I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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