I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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