i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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