remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You can't motorboat a personality
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Houston, we have a squirter
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
