It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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