Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
