fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
