She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
