I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
