I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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