I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
