I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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