She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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