im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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