how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
