I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
