That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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