So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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