You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
