I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
