He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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