i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
