I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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