only you would photoshop your dick
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
