if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
