I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
