ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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