I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
