im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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