I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
