we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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