Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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