Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
