so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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