I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
