I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
