How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
