Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
