I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
