last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
