Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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