He kissed a someone with a penis
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
