Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do vagina's smell?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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