They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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