I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
