Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
