Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
