just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just high enough for therapy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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