We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
