my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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