I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
