dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
