What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
