Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
