I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
