I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
