As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
