So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
